The 21st century has eradicated a lot of stuff: polio, measles, Tasmanian tigers, the thought of ever buying a house in Auckland and gentlemen. Yep, that's right (you heard it heard first), gentlemen. And no, I'm not talking about your dear old granddad or that underwhelming first kiss as an adolescent, I'm talking about modern day men and the timely loss of good old fashioned social etiquette.
Now I know you're probably thinking one of two things. You're either a empowered female (and so you should be, go you) thinking I'm another dumb woman wanting attention from men, going against everything equality stands for. You don't need a mans gesture to feel a sense of importance/righteousness/purpose, right?
OR you're a male, how you found your way onto my blog I have no idea (but welcome nonetheless). You're also probably thinking I'm another dumb woman wondering why I'm criticising the male race for something feminists all over the world are trying to change and even abolish.
Now before you shut off the screen, hear me out.
Over the last few weeks I've spent a significant amount of time alone, my flat mate and colleague starts work when I finish meaning that I have a lot of 'me time' to kill when I'm not working. I've spent this time different ways, wandering around the city, exploring, walking to the gym, buying that overpriced cappuccino (you get the idea). The thing these activities all have in common is social interaction. Auckland is a busy city so obviously wherever I ventured so did hundreds of others, men and women alike.
The lack of company made me notice behaviour that would normally distract me. Everywhere I went I found myself in situations that ended with awkwardness, annoyance or where I felt uncomfortable all because of the way men would act.
I would be walking home and forced to push through a group of men who thought taking up the entire footpath would be a good idea, in the process becoming flustered and finding myself apologising for their actions.
I would be scanning myself into my apartment block only to have a man push their way past me through the entrance way when I had unlocked the door. No thank you, no acknowledgement, no eye contact, nothing.
I would be on my way to the gym with my head down only to look up and find a bunch of men sitting on the pavement leering at me to the point where they called out commenting on my physical appearance. I can't remember the last time I felt so humiliated and I walked back a different way.
The list could go on but I think I've made my point clear, gentlemanly ways are fast becoming a thing of the past. And sure, I'm going to cover my ass and say that no this does not apply to every male on the planet and yes, I may have been unfortunate enough to come across some of the worst specimens in existence (though I doubt this very much). But for the few weeks I've been here I've really started to notice the way men act towards women in social situations.
And to be clear, when I say "gentlemen don't exist" I don't mean the way your grandfather always takes your grandmother's coat or holds her seat out for her at restaurants. I'm not talking about the way your dad surprises your mother with flowers and takes the heaviest bags when you're unloading the shopping. I'm talking about the way there seems to be general shift in the way men act around us.
And I suppose at the end of the day this goes further than just being about gentlemen, it's about modern manners and the way generations have changed due to environments. We could say the digital age is to blame or the way multi-cultural environments don't have a set social norm. We could even stretch it far enough to blame it on the popularity and rise of powerful women figures, with less emphasis on the traditional woman-needs-man ideals.
As far fetched as those may sound maybe the answer is a little more simple. Maybe the idea of a gentleman is simply that, an idea, maybe it never existed before my time or my mother's time or even her mother's time. Maybe it was something that was only a reality in a Hollywood setting or a Jane Austen novel but has become something we like to think is incorporated into our day to day lives, when actually, stumbling across a true gentleman is a fairly rare occurrence. Perhaps it's yet another an unrealistic idea we've created and upheld, only to be bitterly disappointed when we're old enough to understand that in real life people are generally just out for themselves.
Either that or Auckland is just full of hot headed boys.
