It’s unusual to be out this late, especially in winter, when the icy air nips at your cheeks and darkness swallows your every step.
But I am. Whether it's by mistake, or stupidity, I’m undecided. I needed eggs and it couldn’t wait.
Hello darkness my old friend… according to Simon and Garfunkel anyway. Well it’s never been a friend of mine and certainly not tonight.
Like any city, this has its beauty and flaws and on a late night it’s easy to see both. The skyline twinkles and although the light pollution masks the solar system, it’s still wonderful. With the bright amber and mingling white lights melting together on the horizon, some would say it’s almost as good as the real thing … from a distance anyway.
But up close there’s also secrecy and ugliness.
I stick to the main streets, out of fear of what you hear happens to girls in the back alleys. But even as I walk down brightly lit footpaths I can see helplessness and abuse in front of my eyes.
The two men fighting over a cigarette.
A woman shooting up in a doorway.
The prostitute selling her body on the street corner.
Not so wonderful close up.
I shove my headphones on and turn up the volume in an attempt to drown out the desperate cries from the woman getting high.
I'm unsure if it was it a sign from some higher being or just coincidence that Ralph McTell is the next voice I hear singing in my ear.
Have you seen the old dear who walks the streets of London
Dirt in her hair and her clothes in rags
She's no time for talking, she just keeps right on walking
Carrying her home, in two carrier bags
So how can you tell me you're lonely
And say for you that the sun don't shine
Let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of London
I'll show you something to make you change your mind
Auckland might not be London, I think to myself, but take the geographical location out of the song and could well be.
I quicken my pace, my breath evaporating into the air and feet hitting the concrete with a one, two, one, two beat before coming to a stop. I’m home.
Darkness is a common fear. It towers over us all and hides familiarity. It is bigger and more powerful than any human and despite the fact that it's all we knew before we came into this world, it masks life as we know it. Perhaps that’s why I’m scared of it. The way it waits and lingers, the way it can take away your surroundings, the way it multiplies fear and heightens your sense of paranoia.
But in the end darkness almost acts as a catalyst to what will always be there. What I saw on my walk home will always exist: addiction, illness and despair, it's just emphasised by my heightened awareness to everything. And so tonight was really just like any other but tonight my city also became just another one of the masses.
