I've come to that time of my life everyone says you'll look forward to, the ripe old age of 21. Our elders say the 20s are your golden years where you're supposed to look and feel your best. Your face will gain definition, you'll stop growing and you'll develop all your best features. Twenty one is the age where your adult life truly begins... So, when I turned 21 (almost a month ago to the day) I'm not going to lie... I expected some kind of epiphany, a sign that everything leading up till now hadn't really been counted as real.
Waking up on my birthday morning my face was still child like and I stopped growing back in high school so the wonderful idea of being a few inches taller was already out the window. As far as features go... well they don't.
As a child I envisioned myself as a 21 year old woman who was an "adult" because she would wear high heels to work and own a cell phone. As a teenager, it was a vision of maturity and ability to hold my own. Now, I'm really just hoping for the best... financial security, a sense of purpose, nothing too major... :)
Every year when my birthday rolls around I tend to get pretty nostalgic and dramatic about getting older. And to all those reading this who are older than me, don't tell me I'm too young to worry because it doesn't work, I'm going to get sad in the lead up to my next rotation around the sun and probably won't sleep much. The best thing you can do is hand me glass of wine and tell me to drown my sorrows.
Okay, maybe that's a bit too far but basically what it comes down to is that I don't feel old enough or wise enough to be 21. Sure, I've learnt a lot in my 21 years, but on a more important note there's still a heck of a lot that I haven't.
I still can't drive a manual, make a jar of peanut butter last more than a week or change lightbulbs (I wish I was joking on this one). I'm terrible at saving and I overthink every single situation I'm ever put in. I don't know how to say no to my mother.
I like to always have a hidden message when I write so in this instance it would be that despite getting worried about getting old, being unprepared for the hurdles life will throw at me and fretting about what the next years will bring (will I be successful? Find happiness? Settle down?), maybe we should learn to live a bit more in the moment.
The message I'm trying to put out there, is that as much as I hate to say it, age is just a number (it's a cliché, I know). I may be 21 in years but really how old am I internally? These are the deep dark questions that keep me up at night kiddos.
There's a common idea floating around on social media that goes along the lines of "Can we skip to the part where I'm a soccer mum, have a rich husband, a drive a Range Rover". Now, there's nothing wrong with this, I myself can't wait for the day when (or if) this happens, but at the same time think about everything you have now. You have travel to look forward to and massive steps to take in your career. You can find out what you truly want in life and where you want to be. And while it's great to be a forward thinker, don't go wishing away your youth and individuality.
Earlier this year I came to the conclusion that your 20s are your selfish years, be with who makes you happy, do things you want simply because you can and don't for a second stop to question who you are or where you're meant to be. If it makes your heart full and your skin glow you're probably doing the right thing, so leave it at that.
After all these years I haven't learnt that it's ok to not feel like an adult, to not be able to control every situation and not have everything go to plan. I also can't get me head around the idea that occasionally the best things come when you least expect them. But, sometimes that's ok because without doubt and failure how would we ever know when things are on the mend?
I really need to take a dose of my own medicine (and maybe some of you out there on the same page should do this too). Take a chill pill with a glass of water and remember that everything happens for a reason. 21 is not the end of the world and neither is 22 or any number that comes after that. As long as you're happy nothing much else really matters.
But...
Also keep that Range Rover in your sights, it's always a good idea to aim for the stars *wink wink*.
Lots of love,
Elizabeth.
